Pregnancy Guide for Dads – Month 1

Welcome to Month 2 of pregnancy.  Since this is the month when you first find out that she’s pregnant, it probably feels a lot more like Month #1.  We won’t go over that all again, but read the Month 1 Expecting Father Guide post to get more clarification if need be.

She’s Pregnant Now What?

Who To Tell and When

As a man, it is likely that you haven’t given two seconds of thought in your entire life to who you would tell if you found out you were going to be a dad.  You probably also haven’t thought about how you would tell them.

First, there are some things to consider.

• Do You Have to Wait for the Doctor?:
  • Pregnancy tests are surprisingly accurate these days, and false negatives are much more common than false positives.  No only that, but the doctor isn’t going to want to see her right away anyway unless there are some high risk factors.  Basically, there is nothing the doctor can do or see about the baby until after some time has passed, so they essentially let the woman’s cycle tell you if she is pregnant or not.  If her period comes, she isn’t pregnant.  If she misses two in a row she is.
• Who Gets Told Right Away:
  • There is the possibility that this pregnancy won’t work out.  The chance for a miscarriage drops significantly at 12 weeks and then again at 16 weeks.  Since she will obviously not be showing any outward signs by then, the only people who will ever know that she was pregnant will be the people you told.  So, decide who goes into the tell right away category and who goes into the wait until 12 or 16 weeks category.
  • Anyone you tell will eventually ask what happened.  If something happens, this will be a very hard moment in your life.  Certain people make those moments easier, and some people make them worse.  So, only tell people that you want to tell the bad news to, or that you are comfortable with asking about it.  Also, factor in who would be able to not tell others, otherwise, they’ll end up telling someone and then that person will come asking as well.
  • Certain people, generally relatives and very close friends, will be hurt if they are not in the first group.  This is way more about you than it is about them.  However, you can choose to tell nobody until after the 16 week barrier and avoid this issue altogether.
• Who Gets Told After 16 Weeks:
  • After 16 weeks, the chance for a miscarriage drops significantly.  At this point you can tell pretty much everyone.  However, make sure to get the order right.  Family members especially have a habit of calling other family members to talk about the news and their order may not be the same as yours.  So, if your Uncle Bob is closest to you, don’t call Cousin Ron first, because Cousin Ron just might call Uncle Bob to talk about the great news.  That means that you lose the joy of telling someone close to you and he hears it from someone else.  Feel free to tell people not to tell anyone because you really want to tell everybody yourself. That can save a lot of problems.
• Unless There is a Concern:
  • If the first screening test turns up concerns about possible pregnancy issues, you may need to hold off a little longer.  It can be difficult enough to learn about issues in the pregnancy without people calling to ask you how it’s going or if you know if it’s a boy or girl yet.  So, wait until the screening comes back clear, and if it doesn’t sit down with her and talk about waiting.
• Who Only Gets Told When The See It
  • The last group of people involves those who are not close to you but who do exist in your life.  Co-workers that you only know by first name, guys in your pick-up basketball game, and so on.  Eventually, they will see either your wife’s belly, or your new baby.  Simply confirm that she is pregnant and offer up the due date.  There should be no problem there.
  • She may want your input on telling “others” especially if she works with other people who she doesn’t plan to tell right away.  Waiting too long starts uncomfortable rumors and telling too soon maybe extends unwanted attention.  Help her by honestly looking to see if she looks pregnant yet.  When that happens will depend a lot on the type of clothes she normally wears.  Fitted tops show off a pregnant belly faster than bulky sweaters.
  • Remember the differences between men and women.  By the time a man is 15 years old he has either, or heard of someone who did, asked someone about being pregnant when they weren’t and therefore implied that the woman in question is gaining weight.  After that moment, every man errors greatly on the side of caution, waiting until long after it is obvious to suggest pregnancy (at least to the woman’s face).  Women won’t wait nearly as long, partly because they are better at telling the difference between a fat belly and a pregnant belly shape.

Up next…Month 2 Tasks and Issues

Congratulations!  You’re pregnant.  You are also probably freaking out a little bit.  That is understandable, especially if this is your first one.  After all, you have zero experience with the whole pregnant wife and coming-soon baby. 

You are probably freaking out even more if you are the first among your similarly aged friends and family, because then you really have no frame of reference, AND no one to talk to.

So, take a deep breath and relax a little bit.  You’ll get through this.  Everyone does.

Month #1

Actually, you already missed Month #1.  Don’t worry, everyone does.  It has to do with the way they count a pregnancy.  So, let’s get this pesky counting thing out of the way.

Doctors, medical personnel, and everyone except the non-professionals who will come out of the woodwork when they hear the news, count the pregnancy from the date the mother’s last menstrual cycle started.  You don’t really find out that she is pregnant until she misses the next start of her next period.  That means that when you see the little blue line, or she carefully starts counting days on a calendar, it is the start of Month #2.

This method of counting also means that the mother is pregnant for 10 months, not 9 months.  More accurately, the term of a full pregnancy is 40 weeks.  Again, this is counting from the date of the last period she had, not the date of the first one she missed.

Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy Term Counting

• Day #1 = Date Mother’s Last Menstrual Period Began
• Month #1 (Weeks 1 – 4) = The Month Before You Know You Are Pregnant
• Month #2 (Weeks 5 – = The 1st Month You Know About Being Pregnant
• Month #10 (Week #40) = Baby’s Due Date

Don’t worry, we’ll break this down further, and a nice graphical and downloadable version are in the works.

Grab the Undefeated FEED to make sure you don’t miss it!

There are some things in life that life up to the hype regardless of how much you despise the commonplace or trendy.  The top of the Empire State Building, a streetcar ride in San Francisco (and Alcatraz), the drive over Trail Ridge Road (highest paved road in America) in Colorado are on this list.  Another member of this prestigious list is cutting your baby’s umbilical cord.

Cutting the Umbilical Cord

When my wife was pregnant, we took a child birth class. They mentioned filling out a form with our wishes for how we wanted our childbirth experience to go down. One of the things on the form was whether or not the father wanted to cut the umbilical cord. I didn’t really care. It just didn’t seem like it would be a big deal either way. I’ve cut things before, and it isn’t like the umbilical cord is a beating heart or anything.

Wrong, with wrong sauce!  Though there were many intense moments up to the actual delivery of our baby, nothing compares to seeing a tiny human being being held by the doctor and nurses as they frantically go about the post-birth tasks.  There is no frame of reference to any event in your life that comes close, so all the average person can do is stare.  That’s what I did.  I stared at our baby daughter.  My mind was completely blank.

Then, clamps in place, our OB/GYN held up a pair of scissors to my hand.  I took them without thinking.  The second they touched my hand, everything changed.  I had responsibilities.  One of them was to get this cut right.  I placed the scissors in the center of the clamps and gingerly pushed the handles together.  That isn’t the right answer.  The cord is tough and a solid clip is required.  I became firmer and the blades moved forward and through.  When I was done, the scissors were taken from my hand and the baby was moved off for cleaning.

Dad’s Most Important Moment

Up until the cutting, all I had done was the supporting role.  I helped.  That’s what a dad to be does.  He helps.  There are no other useful functions to be performed, but there, seconds after my daughter was born, I was the Dad.  The man who cuts the umbilical cord.  Sure, it’s a no-brainer and that’s why they let you do it, but when you add the awe of seeing your child for the first time to the awe of helping her by performing a task that you have never done before, you get a moment that will forever be seared into your brain.  I can remember every single thing about cutting the cord, the feel, the resistance, the fear, the location of the clamps, everything.

Turns out, we never really used our form.  We wanted most things by the book (we figured doing it by the book gives her the best chance) so the form never came up.  Luckily, they assumed that I’d want to cut it.  I’m glad they didn’t ask, because I might not have answered correctly at that moment.

Keep an eye out here for a full slate of information about the delivery, but for now, take this one thing to the bank.  You want to cut the umbilical cord.